As joyous as weddings can be, nobody can pretend that they can’t be stressful. And with so many friends and family members involved, it’s only natural that some personalities will flare up or that some egos will clash. In this week’s podcast episode, we talked about what to do when this happens, what to do to keep this from happening, and how to make sure that none of it derails your special day—too much, at least.
Ensuring that you and your fiance are on the same page when it comes to wedding planning should be a top priority. Understanding how hands-on your fiance will be and what he or she wants to be involved in will help to set up expectations between the two of you.
Many times the groom will just leave the planning up to the bride because they assume she wants to do it all. If you are not feeling that way, speak up and give them direction. Ask for help and give specifics for where you want their support. Communicate where you want them to participate in planning, such as helping with the seating chart when it comes to his side of the family.
The last thing you want to do is avoid confrontation until you are so frustrated you blow up and they are unaware of what your expectations were. Remember this is the beginning of an amazing team, so set up the steps early so you know how to work together.
Feeling overwhelmed with wedding planning? Check out this blog for managing wedding planning stress!
Setting boundaries is not always easy, but it is one of the most important things you will need to do when wedding planning (and through so many other areas of life). Now that the two of you are engaged and planning your wedding, priorities will shift between you and your parents and friends.
Prior to getting engaged you may have based decisions on what your parents wanted you to do or asked for their advice. Now, you are transitioning to leaning on your soon-to-be spouse for that level of support and sometimes it can ruffle some feathers.
Setting boundaries early and communicating clearly about where you want to hear advice and where your decisions are final will be vital to reducing stress and tension during planning.
Side note for those grooms out there, you need to support your wife when it comes to your mom. The groom’s mom may be struggling with the feeling of letting their son go and the shift in their relationship, but it’s so important to communicate between your fiance and mom so that their relationship doesn’t get ruined in the wedding planning process.
For all the moms and mothers-in-law out there, this one’s for you. It’s really important that you take a step back and measure how many wishes and pieces of advice you are throwing into the wedding planning pot.
It’s understandable that you want to be involved in the planning, and may even be pushing your advice because this is the first big thing that your child and finance are planning, but to keep the peace, you need to be aware of your actions. Here are some great ways to be involved:
As a parent, it can feel like you are being left out which can be hurtful if you are not being called on to help with the planning. If you want to be involved, communicate that with the couple, and then step back and wait to be invited. Have a support person that you can lean on to vent to if you don’t get to be as involved as you’d like in the planning process, but do not ruin their big day with your emotions.
Our suggestion when it comes to having the conversation about levels of support and setting boundaries is to go out to dinner and create clear expectations about the wedding planning. Know the personalities involved and make it known that you expect everyone to be on their best behavior on the wedding day.
Talk to those who you want to be involved with, and let them know what you want their support with. If there are people who you know will want to be involved, but you do not need their support, let them know early on. Maybe assign a job to them where the details aren’t super important to you such as putting together party favors or coming over to help address invitations.
Some people may be disappointed by what you are telling them, so give them time to digest the information and then reconnect at a later time if needed.
If a situation arises that is bothering you, have the conversation early on! The day of the wedding is never a good time for difficult conversations to happen or for you to fly off the cuff.
There will be times when you have to incorporate a cultural or family tradition into your wedding day. Finding a middle ground and picking your battles will be essential here.
Some areas this may come up are:
This is an area that you and your fiance should be communicating about so that nothing important gets left out of the wedding. The two of you also need to agree if the tradition is something that is important to you or worth battling over when it comes to your wedding day.
We cannot emphasize enough that having conversations and setting expectations early on is a key piece to wedding planning. You don’t want to look back on your wedding and realize that was the moment you never talked to a person again because of their actions.
A big event like this can really lead to you seeing people’s true colors and can change relationships. You may uncover things about those close to you that you don’t actually like or don’t want in your life.
Some examples are:
This is a time to pay attention to those around you and be aware of who you want to continue having in your life.
We know that all of this can sound negative, but rest assured you will have people surrounding you on your wedding day who love you! While you may uncover things about people in your life that you don’t like, you may also uncover some amazing people who are in your corner that you didn’t know were there.
Lean on those people who are supportive and who are respecting the boundaries that you are setting. Confide in your best girlfriends, your sister, your parents, or your soon-to-be mother-in-law.
Find the people in your life who are positive and utilize that good energy to push you through the tricky times of wedding planning.
Lastly, don’t put your wedding planner or DJ in the middle of family conflicts. We’ve had it happen where one of our DJs was asked to lie and say that our projector equipment didn’t work so they couldn’t do the slide show that the father-in-law wanted to do. This puts your support team in a really awkward space and isn’t what you hire us for.
That being said, hiring a wedding planner has many perks. It’s likely we’ve been through a difficult or uncomfortable situation that you are facing, and we can give you advice on how to have the conversation for a specific scenario so it’s out of sight and out of mind when it comes to your big day. Check out this blog for more benefits of hiring a wedding planner.
Do everyone a favor and handle the conversation up front so it’s not something you are requesting of others on your wedding day.
Your wedding day is about you and your soon-to-be spouse. Wedding planning can be a time of creating a strong partnership, getting your communication styles nailed down, and leaning on each other for support. Laugh about the various personalities you have attending your wedding, and have the difficult conversations early!
If you are feeling overwhelmed with planning, visit our website for wonderful planning resources, or schedule one of our virtual planning options so we can help you plan the most incredible wedding day! We’ve seen it all, so we will know how to help you work through any situation that arises. Join us on YouTube, our podcast, and all social media channels for fun stories and more wedding planning tips!
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