In case you somehow weren’t aware, your wedding will make you feel things. Shocking, we know. But the emotions that come over you can take you by surprise and leave you feeling overwhelmed in ways you didn’t expect. This week on the podcast, we talk through some of the many emotions weddings can hit you with and how to deal with them.
Wedding planning will have stressful times, it’s not IF, it’s when. We tell all couples to be prepared for a gauntlet of ups and downs, both during wedding planning, wedding day, and all the events that lead up to the wedding. See our blog post on managing wedding planning stress!
You’ll likely experience excitement, nerves, trepidation, and anxiety about how things will go. There is always so much input to weddings, and it’s so important to have your wedding the way you want it.
On your big day, you’ll be surrounded by people you love, people you haven’t seen in a long time, and likely even people you don’t know – whether they are a part of your spouse’s family or a plus one that someone invited. It can feel overwhelming to see all those faces, or maybe you will feel an immense sense of joy because you get your energy from being with others. Either way, we truly just want couples to be aware of the variety of emotions that they’ll experience, so you aren’t taken by surprise as the feelings come up.
The rehearsal dinner and night before the wedding are an amazing time to get together with friends and family from out of town. Not only will you rehearse the ceremony, but it’s a great chance to talk to people you really want to visit with before you move from place to place on your wedding day.
We strongly advise against drinking too much and staying out too late the night before your wedding. It can be so easy to get caught up with drinks or go out after the rehearsal, but the last thing you want is to be hung over or exhausted on your wedding day, while also dealing with all the emotions.
When you open your eyes on the wedding day, it’s time to let go and give yourself permission to just enjoy the day as much as possible. What’s done is done, so let go of the stress, know that things will go wrong, and just truly let yourself be in the moment.
You only get one wedding day so soak it all up, and let the professionals handle the things that will inevitably come up. The day goes so fast, we promise you won’t remember a small detail that got missed.
It never fails that a groomsman doesn’t want to be caught crying, or a bride tries to hide her tears so she doesn’t ruin her makeup. We want to remind you that there’s something to be said for feeling those emotions. If crying is the emotion that’s coming, go with it, let it out! Any emotion you are feeling is beautiful and it shows how you are truly feeling on this special day. Whatever is making you tear up or laugh with joy are the memories and moments that you’ll have and want to hold on to. Makeup can be fixed. Don’t try to hold onto it so tightly that it’s what is occupying your mind and you miss the big moments.
Pro Tip: Tell your officiant, best man, maid of honor, or mom to have a tissue or handkerchief on hand during the ceremony for those tears (or runny noses!).
The ceremony won’t be the only place where tears are shed. We see the special dances become an emotional event quite often. During one wedding, we had a groom ask his sister to dance for the “mother-son dance” because their mom had passed away. Let us tell you, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house, and it was such a beautiful moment.
Think about the son that you are choosing to dance to. If the song makes you overly emotional and you don’t want to experience that level of emotion, pick a different song. Or if you know that the person you are going to be dancing with is super emotional and would feel embarrassed by their emotions, do them a favor and choose a different song as well.
Check out our post on choosing your first dance song.
Honor your loved ones throughout the planning process and on your wedding day can bring up a lot of feelings. It’s okay to have those feelings, and we advise that you go into your planning and wedding knowing that things are going to remind you of that special person whom you aren’t able to hug.
Our biggest tip for this situation is to get together with others who value the special person, or someone you feel safe talking to. Talk about them the morning of your wedding, share stories, and tell your loved one you miss them and wish they were here. Let out a big cathartic cry, and then get your makeup done. This can help avoid a huge breakdown during the wedding (however that may still happen, it’s hard not to have them there.
Honoring your loved one can be healing, beautiful, and a tribute to the person. We’ve put together a list of ways to include your loved ones in your big day here.
Another thing we notice that our couples aren’t fully prepared for is the amount of people who want to talk to you during the wedding and how much time that consumes. Some people have traveled thousands of miles, or haven’t seen you for years, and they want to tell you congratulations and catch up. Your wedding day isn’t the time to have a big catch-up session.
Talk to your wedding planner prior to your wedding day about how they can support you if you start feeling overwhelmed by the number of people wanting to visit with you. Provide them a list of the top people you want to see, and who you want to take a picture with, and let your planner know what’s most important to you.
Having brunch the day after the wedding can be a great way to socialize more with those who came in from out of town and have a longer amount of time to catch up!
Make sure your last moments are really epic. Prioritize your time together as a married couple. Just like the night of the rehearsal, it can be really easy to get swept up in an after-party but don’t feel obligated to keep the party going.
Have a conversation with your spouse during wedding planning about what you want the evening of your wedding to look like. Some couples thrive on an after-party and want to keep it going all night long, while others want to go back to their hotel and have an intimate evening with their new husband/wife.
One area we find that our brides (and couples) get surprised by is the post-wedding blues. For many, you are going to be exhausted the next day. You’ve experienced so many different emotions, and socialized with a ton of people, and you suddenly have no more planning to do. It’s going to get quieter, you’ll have more time available, and it can feel disappointing not to have such a huge event to look forward to!
There are going to be highs and lows throughout the planning, the day itself, and afterward. It’s really important to have people to lean on. Communicate with your loved ones, and spouse, set boundaries, and allow yourself to have the best day possible to enjoy the day and have the memories. The reason everybody is coming is because they love you, they are excited for you and they want to share in the experience, they aren’t there to be critical of your decor or your wedding, so kick the stress out the door and enjoy your big day.
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